Monday 12 September 2016

The Inevitable Return to Work



When I first found out I was pregnant and started arranging maternity leave the thought of 9 months off work seemed like an eternity. I'd always thought that I would be one of those mums that was itching to return to work and ultimately would end up calling short my maternity leave and probably returning around the 3 month mark. So it's somewhat strange to me to find myself halfway through month 9 with my return to work just 3 weeks away.

I've gone through a lot of emotions in the last couple of months concerning returning to work. Anxiety at first over who would look after Lewis and how would we afford childcare. Sadness at the thought of missing my little boy and perhaps missing out on new milestones and developments. Excitement at the thought of spending a whole day speaking to grown ups about grown up things and more confusing to me, jealousy.

Upon my return to work, my husband, Rob, will be having a lot more one on one time with Lewis than I will. Obviously this is great for Lewis and for us as a family, it means we will have less childcare costs and it means Lewis and his Dad will have some great quality time together. Despite knowing all this I'm still jealous. I'm jealous that Rob will likely get to experience firsts that I will miss and I worry that Lewis will love him more than me. Whereas now it's him returning home from work and me filling him in with our funny stories of the day, the tables will be turned and it will be me getting the updates. I know it's irrational to feel like this, and the likelihood is that I will miss out on very little and Lewis will love me just as much as he always has, but still, it's how I feel sometimes.

I've decided to return to work on a part-time basis, 4 days a week. If we won the lottery tomorrow or somehow came into a ridiculous amount of money I would not be coming back. I enjoy my job, I love the people I work with, the work can be challenging and rewarding and it's definitely the sort of career I always thought I would have. However, since Lewis, since becoming a mum, it all seems so insignificant. The work just doesn't seem important anymore. I loathe to identify myself as solely a mother, I've always imagined that I would be a career woman, regardless whether or not I had children, but at this present moment in time, being a mother to Lewis is the most important thing in my life.

I'm sure that once I get back and fully into the swing of things my mindset will start to shift and being a working mum will become my new normal. I'm very lucky in that I have a wonderful group of mum friends, some of who are returning to work in the near future, some that are not returning until next year and some that will be taking on the challenge of being a stay at home mum. This support network has helped me to explore my feelings surrounding returning and being apart from Lewis for extended periods of time. If you are on maternity leave or coming up to maternity leave definitely invest some time in making mum friends, they'll be your saving grace at times.

So there it is, my feelings about returning to work. I'll be sure to update on how things are going once I'm back into the working groove. How did you cope with returning to work? Are you also returning in the near future, how are you feeling about it? I'd love to hear from you.


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7 comments:

  1. It's a really tough step going back to work. I went back in mid-January and even now hearing the sound of one of my daughter's Christmas toys brings back that feeling of anxiety in my gut. It was tough going back (I went back 3.5 days over 3) - getting my head back into a work mode, catching up and then trying to prove (to myself mainly) that I could still do my job. But each week got easier and now I feel really happy with the set-up. I know what you mean about it seeming insignificant; But that actually makes work seem much less stressful than it did before as I just get on with things. Meanwhile my daughter is at nursery and loves it. Our bond and my importance to her have not changed. I'm certain that your little boy with love being with his Dad but will be all about Mummy when you get home!

    Take it easy when you go back and just be prepared to go through a few ups and downs. Make sure you focus on you and time with your son as you build your routine. Other housework etc can go on the back burner for a little bit! Best of luck!

    #MarvMondays

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    1. Thanks Angela. It's great to hear from people that have gone through the return to work. I am looking forward to the (hopefully) re-newed enthusiasm that Lewis will have for me after being away for most of the day. As for the housework, I've been using the excuse of having a baby to avoid doing it for the last 9 months so it's good to hear I can now use the excuse of being back at work! :)

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  2. I know how it feels, our priorities totally changed as soon as we have kids. It was tough when I returned to work after maternity, I have to leave them with childminder, a person who seemed like a stranger to me but have fully trusted her with my kids, just ridiculous. But I have past that feeling of anxiety now and I hope you will feel the same eventually. #MarvMondays

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    1. Thank you so much. Lewis will going to a childminder 2 afternoons a week and we've been really lucky in finding a great one who lives really close to us. Lewis has done a few trial days there now and has always had a great time. Some days the anxiety is in full overdrive and others I seem able to take everything in my stridge. Hopefully, like you, I'll get past that soon and things will all fall into place.

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  3. I don't think anyone can really be prepared for how motherhood will change them, and how they will feel when the time comes!! I always thought I'd go back to work part time, I couldn't imagine being at home all the time, then I had another baby really quickly after the first, and going back was impossible-it was really hard for me to accept I wouldn't be going back at all. I can understand your feelings of jealousy towards your husband, but you've also rationalised them too-I'm sure it'll change nothing, and your son will most definitely love you the same!! Good luck with going back, let us know how you get on!
    #bigpinklink

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  4. Im heading back to work in 2 weeks after 10 months off. I feel sick with worry that shes gonna miss me and I miss her and wonder if she will be alright. My mum is having her so thats one relief.

    Good luck with going back x

    Thanks for linking up with #EatSleepBlogRT

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  5. I think alot of us feel exactly the same. I remember dreading the months flying by with my first as I knew I'd have to go back but thankfully it wasn't as bad as I thought and A absolutely loved nursery, plus I got a little break! IT was also lovely picking him up and him being so excited to see me. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

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